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Weird Like GrammarThe weirdest things make me happy
Like being alone in public,
And standing in line for coffee
Wanting to get something different,
But chickening out and saying,
I'll have what she's having"
And that day she was having a drink called Ramona
Constantly changing her hair
In a world where people stare
informally at the informality
Of ordering someone else's drink for them
I memorized yours
With ever passing day,
I gave myself away
In take out boxes
And small recipes for tea
You told me stories of the people you knew
I told you stories,
Secretly about you
The strangest things made me happy
Like the smell of pesto, marinara, and dish soap
Because when you came smiling in from work
You smelled remarkably like
A dishpan pizza
We'd lay on the bare couch
Spraying ourselves with soda or pizza sauce
The CageWhen did we stop playing pretend?
Was it the day all our task
Became a cast
Around the broken form of a body
Burdened to it's very core
With what the future held in store?
Did we lose our inner child?
Like that time we last our moms
Int the supermarket
How we scrambled trying to find it,
But it was gone
Talking to an old friend a few rows over
We stopped playing,
And stopped learning how to grow
The lessons we learned in school
Where just enough to teach us
How not to make fools out of ourselves
We lined our childhood achievements on shelves
Like little league trophies
And instead of finding new ways to be proud
We burn out
Making money for a man
Who doesn't know our name,
And would never care to know it
We are numbers on a screen to him,
But we have fire inside
If we only ever cared to show it
It's comfortable in the cage
Choose to live there if you must
But it's still a cage
LullabyI dreamed a dream
And so it seemed
That I would die while dreaming
A peaceful end
New to begin
So is with every new beginning
My ReligionI just have to accept
As I climb the ladder to self reliance
That failing use of my heart
Is just a broken endless theory
Of a broken endless science
The introduction of my fears
Of being alone and shattered
To the suffering of the world,
So I suppose I shouldn't complain
When you disappear
First for a month
Then for a year
I told you how abstract you were,
I meant it as a complement
You were just the perfect amount
Of beautiful and terrible
Your breath was the wind,
And your teeth,
Injected thunder into my veins
For once the pain I felt wasn't internal,
But distance became a desert
You left me praying for a thunderstorm
Clinging to the side of the mountain
Begging for a little rain
So I climb,
maybe a higher elevation
Will please those angry gods
That continue to keep you from fo
Dear, HeartBrace for impact
I'm sure you aren't recovered
From all the turbulence,
And here we go again
Though the asteroid field of human emotions
So if you can be troubled
And don't spill your drink
Because I'm sure you'll be drinking
When all the moonlight spills,
And the fingertips slip
From their holsters,
Down you go
Pierced and bleeding
By the camera flash
While she rides off into the sunset,
But lets not fade to black just yet
No, you've got so much left to hurt for
So play some Johnny Cash
Let the man sway you to sleep
Sleep has always been better
Than reading what she wrote
Than opening that last letter
MirageYour heart is a mirage;
Mine a thirsty traveler,
And you look like every drink
Of every drop
Of every desert spring
But when I get too close
Leaving me gasping
MomentumIt was never her hair
It was never her smile
It was never the burning
She left of desire
It was the way that she painted
My world with her mood
It was all in how she spoke
In the way that she moved
I Deserve BetterYou left me crying one evening
In the Autumn rain
Cursing teardrops on my phone,
And in my heart I already knew
That you weren't coming home
Still I tried my best
Working to fix our love
That should have been an amputee
Because when something dies
You cut it off
You don't leave it to fester and bleed
It still breaks my heart
When I think of you,
And I know we've both moved on
So I hope someday you read this note
I hope you see that you weren't wrong
I prayed so long for a miracle
After you left me for dead
I know it may seem immature
There was nothing to do but beg
And a nameless god delivered
He sent me sex, company, and lust,
And held back love
Until my heart was healed
Until again I learned to trust
Wherever you are I wish you well,
And that's not easy to do
It's hard to not wish vengeance
After all you put me through
I wish you hope
I wish you luck
I wish you love, but not from me
Without the pain
I would have never seen
What it means to truly be free
After MeI bet he's warm and inviting
I bet he has strong arms to wrap you tight
I bet he smells like work and wonder,
And I bet you forgot about me tonight
I'd say you've made a life without me
I'd say moving on wasn't all that tough
I'd say that you don't always cross my mind,
And I really wish that lie was enough
But the words unsaid still sting,
And I hate myself for crying
Tears that you never see
Knowing how much you'll love
The man after me
I bet you're saying that it won't happen
Because you've never felt like this before
I'm sure you think I'm being ridiculous
But you've never seen me broken
You've never seen me bleeding
Screaming on the floor...
The words unsaid still sting,
And I hate myself for crying
Tears you'll never see
Knowing how much you'll love
The man after me
I want this to last forever,
But forever is a long, long time
Great Fire of RomeCertain boys used to press their fingertips into my skin
as if they were cigarette butts and I was an ashtray.
They stamped out leftover guilt that wouldn’t burn away,
grounded it into my skin so that when it rained,
I could smell smoke and their brands of cologne.
There are burn marks on the insides of my palms
from all the times they held my hands with bonfires between theirs.
The scars on the inside of my mouth taste like copper and woodsmoke
from where they left their candles
as if I was a faulty altar.
They picked flowers from every garden my body
grew and left them at the feet of some makeshift effigy
as if they had given me a gift.
They burned me to the ground like Rome and dared to call my ashes beautiful ruins.
I have let people ruin me.
Then I found a boy who set my ribcage on fire
and illuminated my lungs with every breath.
His fingertips were fireflies
and my body was a warm summer night.
The lanterns on his lips lit up every corner of my being until my body c
Inner StrengthYou feel it again
That burning in your breast
When you want to speak up
You know who you are
And you know the rest
But instead you hold back
Clutching to your sacred words like a cross
Don’t let it get lost inside you
Don’t let yourself go unheard
Like all those defining moments
You let fall through your fingers
You could have said something
But you chose to caress
The thought of another hanging on a moment
Passive aggressively taking control
Of a truth or opinion that is yours alone
Close your eyes and count to ten
This is one of those moments
When your life will never be the same
You can start again
And relieve your pain
If you would just speak up
You have the power to change your path
You can find the courage
To not hold back
It all starts with you
What do you have to lose?
1901, SomewhereI am tired of opening my eyes and immediately wanting to empty myself out. I am less like a garden hose, a vessel of water pouring itself onto death, these days and more like a watering can. I have to be filled up first. I have to be tipped head first, hands over knees, before I can give up. I run out, often.
And I know what they will say. It is not beautiful, in any way. The priests at my old church call it praying but I feel more and more like the mantis these days. Preying. I keep trying to climb trees that are dead in the hopes I will be the one who finds the one live branch. I am trying to find the one inch of live wick in my own self too. I keep cutting and cutting but I never find the green.
It’s all black in here, you know. I am less the color of obsidian and more coal, more the color of gray darkness. I am ___. I cannot even manage to exist bleakly enough to be called night, to be called eyes closed forever, to be called keyboard keys when no one is touching them. I am t
1:40amthe empty-belly night sky rumbles
Lana aches in my ears
the curtains curl around lightning-flash
my fingers smell like smoke
and I try to sweep you out of my untidy head
but you linger in the corners still
like you always do.
life is the looming monster we never look straight in the face
afraid of its shadow.
I want to wrap my arms around you
I want you to be the future I am so afraid of
I wrapped my past around my fingers so tight
it cut off the circulation
i want to cut all the threads of my never-let-go
and let my truth stand as unaplogetically
as the scars I've let heal
I am learning how to never adjust my views for your approval
my skin is not an apology
this is not an invitation to walk over me
learning yourself is like learning a city
it is continually changing
growing out and shifting under
like our fingernails
or the sunset.
SomeoneShattered wide - a ragged tear,
One the soul cannot bear.
Crumbling mask - a gentle lie,
Hides a face that begs to cry.
Hoped not - a prayer unspoken,
Too many promises broken.
Nothing flies - a crow or dove,
Grounded by voids of love.
Sole survivor - a grain of sand,
Heir to a great drowned land.
Last breath - a man overdue,
Missing happiness he never knew.
Gnarled stump - a failed dream,
Only witness it would seem.
Wilting yet - a confession said,
And blades and rope dress in red.
Delightful Dreams“If you could do anything now, what would you do?”
After hearing these words I gave it a moment or two
And found that swimming in my mind was not the will to be kind,
Was not to end poverty or make a world so divine,
But instead to meet old friend, sister and brother
And let ourselves lose within the presence of another.
For none to control our talks
Or to mandate our attire.
For us to sneak out at night
And set a rebel flag on fire.
Perhaps just too freely talk
Or meet the friends I have yet to.
Oh yes! Simply to slowly walk
Amidst an urban ocean side view!
Perhaps Washington where I once shed tears!
I’ll walk the starlit streets with a date
Whose name I won’t remember in years!
Arm in arm,
Up and down stone steps and sidewalk paths,
Gazing over the shimmering waters,
Surrounded by brilliant architecture at last!
But though I desired to reveal these thoughts
In the presence of the asker, I knew I should not
For it is a sin to dream of such selfish t
Fearing the DarkCowering
in fear of an invisible beast
behind the counter
in the sweltering heat
at the chill down my spine
at the shifting shadows
out of the corner of my eye
to my own shallow breathing
from the monster inside
Remember Meremember the days when black skies didn't blot out the sun overhead,
a time where colors danced from the petals edge yearning for the light of day,
and ever in the effervescent dawn of morning sunshine burst hope,
the days when you stood for something just a little more then pity and self indulgence,
where the sweat of your brow was enough to drive away all sicknesses that ailed you,
where truth and justice weren't virtues but codes of conduct for life itself,
the bitter tides of fate binding nothing but a few paper books with rotting leather spines,
where being a hero started first with standing up for yourself rather then something bound by fairy tales and graphic novels,
you used to have imagination once and the places it took you where more fanciful then anything this reality ever could have offered,
and yet something about it always kept drawing you back in with a fighting fervor,
where being with someone meant less about sex and more about companionship,
and at the end of the day
Forgive MePlease forgive me
for singing this sad lullaby to you.
This wretched heart can't bear to part
knowing you'll be miles while my soul is missing.
Gathered along the parade
are where the hollow souls come
to say goodbye
and maybe some day you'll understand.
Can't bear the tears that stain my pillow
long hours of waiting for sweet words
that turned into violent lashes
with blood dripping to the floor.
My silence was my longest words
and my pain was my loudest scream.
Dreaming of you was my best reality
that messed with my mentality.
So, here I'll be for you
sacrificing while singing this song
and I wish I coulda told you, I wish
you knew how lonely I was.
The parties over and I wonder what you'll think
knowing this isn't like me.
Six feet under I'll still want your hand to say "I'm sorry"
while my heart drowns at sea.
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More