I wonder if oblivion hurts?
Tattered frays beckon me to see
Beyond this land of shadows
Past the treeline
In this world of trees
I can't see the forest anymore
Weird Like GrammarThe weirdest things make me happy
Like being alone in public,
And standing in line for coffee
Wanting to get something different,
But chickening out and saying,
I'll have what she's having"
And that day she was having a drink called Ramona
Constantly changing her hair
In a world where people stare
informally at the informality
Of ordering someone else's drink for them
I memorized yours
With ever passing day,
I gave myself away
In take out boxes
And small recipes for tea
You told me stories of the people you knew
I told you stories,
Secretly about you
The strangest things made me happy
Like the smell of pesto, marinara, and dish soap
Because when you came smiling in from work
You smelled remarkably like
A dishpan pizza
We'd lay on the bare couch
Spraying ourselves with soda or pizza sauce
The CageWhen did we stop playing pretend?
Was it the day all our task
Became a cast
Around the broken form of a body
Burdened to it's very core
With what the future held in store?
Did we lose our inner child?
Like that time we last our moms
Int the supermarket
How we scrambled trying to find it,
But it was gone
Talking to an old friend a few rows over
We stopped playing,
And stopped learning how to grow
The lessons we learned in school
Where just enough to teach us
How not to make fools out of ourselves
We lined our childhood achievements on shelves
Like little league trophies
And instead of finding new ways to be proud
We burn out
Making money for a man
Who doesn't know our name,
And would never care to know it
We are numbers on a screen to him,
But we have fire inside
If we only ever cared to show it
It's comfortable in the cage
Choose to live there if you must
But it's still a cage
LullabyI dreamed a dream
And so it seemed
That I would die while dreaming
A peaceful end
New to begin
So is with every new beginning
My ReligionI just have to accept
As I climb the ladder to self reliance
That failing use of my heart
Is just a broken endless theory
Of a broken endless science
The introduction of my fears
Of being alone and shattered
To the suffering of the world,
So I suppose I shouldn't complain
When you disappear
First for a month
Then for a year
I told you how abstract you were,
I meant it as a complement
You were just the perfect amount
Of beautiful and terrible
Your breath was the wind,
And your teeth,
Injected thunder into my veins
For once the pain I felt wasn't internal,
But distance became a desert
You left me praying for a thunderstorm
Clinging to the side of the mountain
Begging for a little rain
So I climb,
maybe a higher elevation
Will please those angry gods
That continue to keep you from fo
Dear, HeartBrace for impact
I'm sure you aren't recovered
From all the turbulence,
And here we go again
Though the asteroid field of human emotions
So if you can be troubled
And don't spill your drink
Because I'm sure you'll be drinking
When all the moonlight spills,
And the fingertips slip
From their holsters,
Down you go
Pierced and bleeding
By the camera flash
While she rides off into the sunset,
But lets not fade to black just yet
No, you've got so much left to hurt for
So play some Johnny Cash
Let the man sway you to sleep
Sleep has always been better
Than reading what she wrote
Than opening that last letter
MirageYour heart is a mirage;
Mine a thirsty traveler,
And you look like every drink
Of every drop
Of every desert spring
But when I get too close
Leaving me gasping
MomentumIt was never her hair
It was never her smile
It was never the burning
She left of desire
It was the way that she painted
My world with her mood
It was all in how she spoke
In the way that she moved
I Deserve BetterYou left me crying one evening
In the Autumn rain
Cursing teardrops on my phone,
And in my heart I already knew
That you weren't coming home
Still I tried my best
Working to fix our love
That should have been an amputee
Because when something dies
You cut it off
You don't leave it to fester and bleed
It still breaks my heart
When I think of you,
And I know we've both moved on
So I hope someday you read this note
I hope you see that you weren't wrong
I prayed so long for a miracle
After you left me for dead
I know it may seem immature
There was nothing to do but beg
And a nameless god delivered
He sent me sex, company, and lust,
And held back love
Until my heart was healed
Until again I learned to trust
Wherever you are I wish you well,
And that's not easy to do
It's hard to not wish vengeance
After all you put me through
I wish you hope
I wish you luck
I wish you love, but not from me
Without the pain
I would have never seen
What it means to truly be free
After MeI bet he's warm and inviting
I bet he has strong arms to wrap you tight
I bet he smells like work and wonder,
And I bet you forgot about me tonight
I'd say you've made a life without me
I'd say moving on wasn't all that tough
I'd say that you don't always cross my mind,
And I really wish that lie was enough
But the words unsaid still sting,
And I hate myself for crying
Tears that you never see
Knowing how much you'll love
The man after me
I bet you're saying that it won't happen
Because you've never felt like this before
I'm sure you think I'm being ridiculous
But you've never seen me broken
You've never seen me bleeding
Screaming on the floor...
The words unsaid still sting,
And I hate myself for crying
Tears you'll never see
Knowing how much you'll love
The man after me
I want this to last forever,
But forever is a long, long time
The picture on the pedestalThe picture on the pedestal
"Its so beautiful"
they always say
the picture of us
as we fell
so very far astray,
sometimes I wonder
what they see
if we look so far away
somewhere where "Its so beautiful"
could always be used
You've Gone Far EnoughHow many times have you tried, just to put me down,
The last time I remember, I was underground.
And even then I rose up, just to challenge the greats.
You might be thinking that your wins are all a part of your fate;
But it's not!
You're a little puppet in the game,
And when you try to take me out, you'll be feeling the strain!
I will be breathing down your neck and it's offense;
No nonsense. I am the Word of Chen, execution commence!
And now you're feeling the pressure, I'll make you suffer;
Your words try to cut me, but you're bleeding your brother!
You don't recognize that I'm the one who paved your way;
And now you're crying, sweating bullets, while you kneel and pray-
I don't find you. You're scared! Your soul is bared,
The only thing that makes us different is the fact that I cared!
But it don't matter now boy! You can laugh and smile,
Because the only thing left is to burn you in a Word of Chen style.
- Chennie, 21st October 2014
I Used To Have A ReasonI used to have a reason to do what I do,
Now it is just a habit I am trying to get through,
Meaningless motions, without emotions,
Trying to keep a clean conscience.
Embracing the darkness in the dim light,
I do not think I will sleep another night,
It is 4 AM, and there is no meaning,
To feel what I used to be feeling.
The pen slides through snow white paper,
It cuts it in two like a sharp saber,
But what is the point of doing this all
If It feels empty just like this Fall?
To fill the void I leave to fate,
There is no love, there is no hate
For times have changed.
The Weepings of the PhoenixI can't think of many times
That I've cried so much.
When feelings won't turn to rhymes
And from reality, I'm losing touch.
Sobbing and lying in my weepings,
Praying to a God that I don't believe in.
When these hands they tug
Towards the River Styx.
My resolve like concrete I hug
But a wolf can break into a house of bricks.
This poor piggy sits alone
And waits to just be eaten.
I fell to my knees to fear The Lord
And appease his pope.
But my heart he won't come aboard
And I'm losing hope.
Only have a sail full of holes
And life in Sargasso ain't too breezy.
So we sing of,
So we burn down.
So we sing of
As it all,
Trying to burn away my pains
With these hands of ash.
But my head went up in flames
And my brain turned to mash.
Sitting back to the door,
Shirt up, and skin kissing metal.
The only peace I can find
Is with her and sleep.
I can't escape this flame
For it burns internal.
So we sing of,
So we burn down.
So we sing o
Just a DreamA week after he turn twenty three
My fairy tale story had ended
The temporarily fantasy was over
He was perfect
Loved ones approved of him
I thought he was it
I never doubted him
No more tears
No more hiding
No more lies
But all was suddenly taken away from me
He stopped being there
No given reason
I shrugged it off easy
My mind said let it go
But my heart says suspicious
He then didn't come
How could this happened?
What did I do?
I said too much?
Did he not believe in us anymore?
He's not coming home
This can't be happening to me
For this is just a dream
I moved.I remember the day he died so clearly in my head.
I was on the phone to my friend and i could hear my mother shouting,
"This isn't right."
"This can't be right."
"Tell me it's not true."
Then the screaming came,
and i felt my stomach drop, something was wrong.
But when i stepped outside,
Everything was fine.
The sun was still shining,
wind still blowing.
Then those words,
Thats all i heard over the screaming and the crying and suddenly it wasn't so perfect,
I couldn't hear,
I couldn't breathe,
i could barely see.
Yet i moved.
I moved to comfort my mother whose screams i could no longer hear,
because she didn't need me.
She needed him.
We all did.
We all do.
And although my legs still shake and my eyes are stained with black rings.
I still move,
And i still see.
Ever since that day,
despite what they said and what they told me,
I never stopped moving
My HomeYou walk in the front door, and the first thing you notice is that my home is a mess. Stuff is strewn about everywhere, nothing is put away. But this isn’t just the mess of carelessness, no, there’s a reason it looks ransacked. Looking around, you see that reason.
There are no closets in my home.
The front door had “shy,” “awkward” and “introvert” written all over it, but the doorbell proudly announced “nice guy” with a footnote specifying “not that kind of nice guy.”
In the main room you see “childlike,” “daydreamer,” and “gamer” scattered all over the floor, shelves stuffed full of “bookworm.” A huge box overflows with “collector” and the occasional “hoarder.”
The kitchen has “wants to cook” shelved right next to “can’t cook.” The “out-of-shape” in the fridge has gone bad but I haven’t th
Who am I?Me?
I am a nobody.
Just another voice in the distance,
A figure in the shadowy corner that is my life.
I am a time bomb,
On which my timer resets at random.
Never quite on track with the rest of the world always three steps behind,
I can't take it!
This is not worth my effort,
My writing, my singing, composing, what have you,
Its all pointless.
No one will ever see or know the inner workings of my mind.
The cogs that turn and create the genius that I like to think of myself,
Knowing I'm only average at most,
Barely worth the air that I breathe.
I'm so lost.
I just don't know how or why or what to do
I can't even begin to fathom the complexities that make up the human psyche
Forcing these words from my mouth and these emotions,
These emotions that ignite a flame within me that is burning my lungs and esophagus like poison!
Poison, of my own creation.
That I chose to drink.
What is wrong with me?
Why can't I just escape from it all?
Let the past die?
I'm not even good for my
PresentOut of all that I write
I can only make sad songs
that's my hubris, I'ma lose it
late nights still stuck on the past
can't wait for a Christmas present
man, right now that would be Heaven
but it's too far in the future
guess I'm ahead of my time
maybe that's why I can't rhyme
and when I rap the sad songs
all I can do is whine
I guess I'm all shook up
like a coconut with lime